Uganda is the happiest country in East Africa

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By Simon Kaheru

Whereas this doesn’t appear to be the best week for such kaboozi: YAAAY! Uganda is the happiest country in East Africa. Woo hoo!

(Is this cause for celebration or because of our non-stop celebrations taking place in this country?) It matters not either way — we are on top of East Africa’s ‘Happy People’ list, even in the absence of South Sudan. We came Number 117, followed by Kenya at 119, Burundi in position 137, Tanzania at 139, and Rwanda at 144.

The mechanics the judges followed clearly had little to do with the money in the bank, food in the fridge and the number of luxury cars in our combined garages and paved homestead lots.

As real scientists tend to do, the ones behind this report (an annual exercise they undertake with a presumable level of pleasure themselves) measure six parameters. Pour yourself a light refreshment as you read them here:

• Gross domestic product per capita
• Social support
• Healthy life expectancy
• Freedom to make your own life choices
• Generosity of the general population, and
• Perceptions of internal and external corruption levels.

Studying each of the six closely makes it a little obvious where our comparative advantage is, but we will return to the six presently.

Before that, however, I spotted some people on our social media platforms making a half-hearted attempt at lording our national happiness position over (there is a smiling pun in there somewhere) the rest of our East African siblings.

Perhaps because of the shadow of the passing of our friendly, constantly smiling Speaker of Parliament, the Rt. Hon. Jacob Oulanyah, the attempts did not last long. 

It was just as well they faded quickly. President Yoweri Museveni has for years quipped with mirth about countries of a certain ilk comparing themselves, likening it to dwarfs holding contests to determine who is the tallest among us.

With my East African hat on my head, I’d declare the laughter misguided because we must always ensure our siblings are as happy as we are.

Interestingly, to make the assessment fair the researchers created a fictional country called Dystopia that was “filled with the world’s least happy people” and “set Dystopia as the rock bottom value in each of the six categories”.

So, all countries were measured against that one disturbingly unhappy country and the happiest was the one found most distant.

Afghanistan was at the bottom, near Dystopia, at position 146 with a scoring distant from Zimbabwe which is just one position up.

And we are 117. We are happy about being top in East Africa but perhaps we shouldn’t be too happy about being so close to Dystopia.

The dwarf height contest sounds like a variation of one of my favourite mantras of the last couple of years, often said by Jacques Vermeulen, Coca-Cola Beverages Africa Group CEO: “Don’t settle for average. Unleash your full potential and go for World Class. To get there you have to step-change the way you do things, then make continuous improvements till you truly are World Class.”

So, back to the six categories, Ugandan out there, how are we going to step-change our happiness levels so we can celebrate being top in East Africa from a more respectable segment of the table standings? Part of the work belongs to ‘the government’, of course, and we all know what they should do there.

Now, what about our part — you and I over here?

1. Gross domestic product per capita
2. Social support
3. Healthy life expectancy
4. Freedom to make your own life choices
5. Generosity of the general population, and
6. Perceptions of internal and external corruption levels.

Even Number Three — Healthy life expectancy — requires our personal efforts, because we need to live in a certain way so we can generally last longer on earth. I’m obviously not advocating fewer of our Parte-after-Parte activities, since those contribute to our life expectancy and Numbers Four and Five, but perhaps we could drink more water on the nights of and go running longer distance the morning after?

Corruption? That’s you and I again — not just the government. And, by the way, that government is also you and I because we vote them into power, we pay the damn taxes and can create lots of angst for any bureaucrat when we walk into their offices by being more aware of our position as their employers and using our knowledge and networks more deliberately.

Ugandan out there, how are we going to step-change our happiness levels so we can celebrate being top in East Africa from a more respectable segment of the table standings?

I am personally happy most of the time except when I’m driving around Kampala city, but that’s clearly not enough to move the needle for the national happiness levels.

We have lots of comedians both professional and accidental (I won’t speak directly about anyone in public office today) but, again, they are not counted in the six parameters. Neither are our hilarious Facebook, Twitter and TikTok posts.

Follow the six categories and leave Dystopia behind.

But, people, let’s not be selfish — we need to take our siblings along. Even in your childhood, you know that if you were way happier than the rest of them there was bound to be some sibling rivalry leading to you getting tackled a little bit more than most on the pitch, or finding your clothes always seemed to go missing when you all emerged from a dip in a neighbourhood pond.

Create happiness all around so we are not laughing at each other at the bottom of the table — it’s more fun to compete when we’re up at the top. We shouldn’t be average at anything in life.

We are Ugandans.

The writer is a journalist