How Do I Deal With Insults And Put-downs, Timeless Advice On Dealing With Insults

By Paulino Akoon Yel Dut, Juba

I learnt many people have been attacking me on social media supporting their colleagues and relatives who have fell out with me for serious disconfirmation. I believe at this time to keep ignoring their nonsensical which won't reinforce their thoughts. I said insults can be physical, such as punching, slapping, or spitting. More usually, they are verbal, whether direct or indirect. Examples of indirect verbal insults are jokes and ironic comments, backhanded compliments, mimicry, and false fascination. Ocular and facial expressions can substitute for speech; and things like a cold or constant stare, a false or exaggerated smile, or a raised eyebrow can, depending on their intention, also count as indirect verbal insults.

All of the above involve actively doing something, and therefore count as insults of commission. But insults of omission are equally if not more common. Examples of insults of omission are not inviting or including someone, not deferring to her age or rank, and not responding to her friendly gestures, including basic eye contact.

So, what is the best way for me to deal with all these insults?

Anger, this is the weakest possible response, and this for three main reasons. First, it shows that I take the insult, and therefore the insulter, seriously. Second, it suggests that there is truth in the insult. And third, it upsets and hurts me which can invite further insults.

Acceptance, this may seem like a very weak response, but in many cases is actually the strongest response of all. When someone insults me, I ought to consider three things: whether the insult is true, who it came from, and why. If the insult is true or largely true, the person it came from is reasonable, and his motive is worthy, then the insult is not an insult but a statement of fact and, what is more, one that is potentially very helpful to me. Thus, I seldom take offense at best friend.

In general, if you respect the person who insulted you, you ought to give thought to the insult and learn as much as you can from it. On the other hand, if you think that the person who insulted you is unworthy of your consideration, you have no reason to take offense, just as you have no reason to take offense at a naughty child or barking dog. So whatever the case, you have no reason to take offense.

Returning the insult, there are several problems with the put-down, even if it is a very clever one. First, it does have to be clever, and, second, it has to occur to me at just the right moment. But even if I am as sharp as Brown Akoon Yel Dut, a witty put-down is unlikely to be my best defence. The problem with the put-down, however witty it may be, is that it tends to equalize me with my insulter, raising him up to my level and bringing me down to his. This gives him and his insult far too much credibility. The witty put-down should only be used among friends, and only add to the merriment. And it should be followed by something like a toast or a pat on the shoulder. In other words, it should only ever be used for humor.

humor is an especially effective response for three reasons: it undermines the insult, it brings the audience on side, and it diffuses the tension of the situation. Sometimes, it might even be appropriate to exaggerate or add to the insult so as to make a mockery of the insulter and, by extension, the insult: if only you had known me better, you would have found greater fault still! Moreover, I Mr. Brown Akoon Yel Dut or Akoon Atak Ngor Anei I am very simple person in my life who love people as I love myself. I use to insult people sometimes due for disconfirmation basing on their weak characters. But I have no choice but to slay my brother and my sister as they thought to do it for me. 

The writer is Brig.Gen from SSUF/A Peace Wing. 

C/O officer in Health field. 

He can be reach email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..