Do You Find Accepting Constructive Criticism Difficult?

Do you find accepting constructive criticism difficult? No one likes to be made to feel inferior by an authority figure or even a close friend. But constructive advice is intended to help a situation, not damage a working or professional relationship. If you find yourself in the position of accepting constructive criticism, here are seven guidelines for making the best use of someone’s good intentions.

1. Listen Respectfully. When a person is trying to tell you something negative, it is easy to get upset and focus only on the critical aspects of the discussion. You might be tempted to jump into the conversation and deal with the negative points rather than wait to hear what the speaker truly intended. It is best to hear the speaker out, asking only brief questions for clarity, if needed. Give the person a chance to fully explain any concerns that are being described. Maintain a positive attitude with facial expression and body language. Try not to tune out the points you disagree with while staying focused on the entire message. Make a mental note of the point and plan to address it when it is your turn to speak. The person who is speaking to you will appreciate your willingness to get the whole story before responding too quickly.

2. Be Sure You Understand. In accepting constructive criticism, you will need to understand fully what has been shared with you. You don’t have to accept blame or responsibility for something that doesn’t make sense or that isn’t clear.

After hearing what the speaker has to say, take time to ask questions or make comments to confirm your understanding of the situation being explained to you.

Sometimes it can take a bit of going back and forth to ensure that both parties are hearing the same message. One helpful approach is to reword what you think has been said and then ask if it is correct:

“So you are concerned about the three days I arrived late this month due to my car problem?”

“It sounds like I have been missing part of the summary discussions when I take minutes at the meetings.”

Try to hone in on the main point being shared. This technique helps keep the speaker’s message clearer. Staying focused will help you to deal with a single issue rather than try to sort out a host of complexities.

3. Acknowledge the Speaker’s Point Of View. As you listen, you may begin to disagree inwardly and eagerly await your chance to respond. But try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes. This can’t be easy for her/him.

She/he may feel uncomfortable about confronting you with something that is potentially negative, or he/she may be counting on your intelligence and understanding to accept the situation for what it is, a reasonable approach to solving a problem. You would not respect this person if she/he hid her/his real feelings or allowed a more serious problem to develop for failure to address it at its root.

The art of accepting criticism is to see the other’s goal in offering it. No one is perfect, and the person who is taking time to point out a flaw obviously must care about you or the company that both of you serve. Respect her/his position and duty in bringing this information to you, no matter how difficult it may seem at first.

4. Don’t Become Defensive. All of us want to be accepted and appreciated for who we are. We are embarrassed and sometimes feel guilty or ashamed when others notice a problem behavior or a mistake we have made. That’s why it is sometimes difficult to come across as one who can accept constructive criticism. But being open to learning and growing is a desirable characteristic in any job position or relationship. Don’t feel that you have to “protect your turf” and go into defense mode just for the sake of appearing right—or even perfect.

It helps to realize that you have a valuable opportunity to learn from a negative outcome and become a better partner, friend or family member. While you may indeed have useful information that will enlighten the speaker or at least explain your actions, don’t share those facts in a self-righteous way. Instead, try to maintain a humble but positive outlook that will make it easy for others to work with you.

5. Avoid Escalating Tensions. When discussing setbacks or limitations in a person’s actions, the potential for escalating tensions is created. When we feel overly criticized or misunderstood, it becomes natural to bring up past issues or current problems that might otherwise have been overlooked. This is not the time to put all cards on the table, though. It is better to focus on the issue at hand and reserve any exchange concerns for a later time, unless they are related to the current issue.

Of course, accepting constructive criticism doesn’t mean that you should let yourself be belittled or harangued, but someone who really is offering constructive feedback will not do those things. Look for the positive aspects of the feedback without trying to take the conflict to the next level; avoid slipping into a tit-for-tat mentality.

6. Follow Up With Positive Action. After accepting criticism graciously, accept the responsibility for making changes that will help matters improve. Some people will pretend to accept criticism, but then fail to make the necessary adjustments. Following up with suitable action will show others that you know how to accept criticism and can actually put it to good use, which will enhance your professional image and potentially improve personal relationships. You might even want to keep a written record of any changes that you do make so if the situation is later revisited, you have documentation that demonstrates your willingness to follow helpful feedback.

7. Take the Initiative. You don’t have to wait for others to take the initiative in giving you constructive criticism. You can ask those whose opinion and expertise you trust for advice or suggestions to help you do a better job or avoid making the same mistake. The only dumb question is the unasked one. Let others know if you need help or are struggling before problems become apparent. Most people are more than willing to provide assistance or answer questions to help you do a better job. Ask someone you trust for a performance review at work or for an honest opinion in a friendship or interpersonal relationship. Then be willing to act on that information, if applicable.

Accepting the advice of others is the hallmark of an open mind and cooperative spirit. Accepting constructive criticism can make you a more effective friend, spouse or employee.